Carol, Mike, Alice, Greg, Peter, Bobby, Marcia, Jan, Cindy. I just had to write those names down because I felt I would forget the order/character names if I didn't. Totally the best decision I've made all night, well, 2nd after deciding I was going to finish this special. I mean seriously, who the hell watches this? It's too outdated for youngsters and too hip for the TV Land crowd. That just makes me a weird fella I guess.
And I'm so okay with that.
We all know the deal with 70s sitcoms. Really any type of sitcom. 80s. 90s, 00s, work the same, but I just choose 70s specifically. Get over it. My decision. ANYWAYS, it's simple. Bunch of actors do what they do best and ACT on a soundstage with an audience in front of them, recording all the action and all the laughs. Except, not all of those shows truly have audiences inside the soundstage. This is what we in the film business (and by "we" I mean "not me") define as a "LAUGH TRACK". A cheap comedic effect to make the viewer feel invited to laugh more (I.E if you're inside a theater and everyone's laughing, you probably will too. If not, then you probably won't. Don't deny it) Actors must act as though they're in front of a crowd not to ruin the sitcom illusion. ALL of these actors were trained to do this. Listen, your Mommy may have told you that you're very "handsome" or "beautiful" so you wanted to be an actor. Your kindergarden teacher praised your electrifying performance in the classroom production of "The Wizard of Oz" when you played "Tree #4". You THINK you know shit about acting but you DON'T. Acting to you is to create a fake persona, real actors BECOME their characters.
This is what the Brady Bunch excels at.
How was this show so funny "back in the day" anyway? "CLASSIC BRADY DILEMA!", throw in a few cute scenes with Cindy and a few hot poses from Marcia (Don't deny it, she was a fox) and BOOM, episode in the can. I'm sure (and I will not use real names here) Mike thought he would be the next Paul Newman, Greg thought he'd be the next Johnny Bravo (actually he WAS Johnny Bravo) etc, etc, these guys didn't know what they were getting themselves into. Probably thought it'd be an easy gig, get into families homes one night a week, set up a fan base, pay some bills, I mean YOU would've taken a part, wouldn't you?
This was like Scientology. Once you're in, you're OUT. Sure, on second thought, Mike had some real swell baby blues and a commanding while loose stature, maybe he COULD'VE been a Steven Queen type, I get it, we can play that game, fine. But you know what they say. "Become the role". Mike. Became. The. Role. Robert Reed IS MIKE BRADY. Don't believe me? JUST WAIT.
You know, as I watch the entire family get together again in the same house, I feel alittle.. well.. fuck, no, NO! I don't feel warm and fuzzy! I feel.. awkward!.. I FEEL WEIRD! THIS IS WEIRD!
But why? WHY? WHY PATRICK? WHY? THIS MAKES NO SENSE TO ME!
These "people" don't act like people anymore. These people are ALIENS. Back in 1970, I could understand that there might be some swell, groovy family out there that's just so fucking happy and right with the world that every single conflict has a perfectly structured arc, or that every other line these "people" say are JOKES. EVERY. OTHER. LINE.
In this special, Alice makes over exaggerated movements, incredibly silly faces, she looks at the camera at least five times during a "funny line". DID I MENTION THIS IS FILMED LIKE AN ACTUAL MOVIE?
Yes. Regular home, with four walls, no audience, this is a FEATURE FILM. WITHOUT A LAUGH TRACK.
This just completely breaks the barrier. Through these awkward pauses, incredibly strange tones of voice, joke sentences, are completely out in the open. NO ONE is laughing. This might as well be a drama about schizophrenics. Let's just use an exchange from the film.
Belinda: [answering the phone] Steve?
Mike Brady: No, it's not Steve.
*AUDIENCE CHUCKLES*
Belinda: Rory?
Mike Brady: No.
Belinda: Russ? Tyler? Richard?
*AUDIENCE LAUGHS*
Mike Brady: No, I'm sorry. It's Mike.
Belinda: [sweetly] Oh hi, Mike. Wow, you sound older.
Mike Brady: Well, I probably am. I'm Cindy's father.
*LAUGH*
Belinda: [hands Cindy the phone] It's for you, it's your dad. He sounds cute.
Cindy Brady: He's not cute, he's... dad.
*LAUGH*
See? Isn't that HILARIOUS? Perfect for a sitcom, right?
That's the movie.
There's no laugh track.
SO READ IT AGAIN and imagine it WITHOUT the laugh track this time.
Belinda: [answering the phone] Steve?
Mike Brady: No, it's not Steve.
Belinda: Rory?
Mike Brady: No.
Belinda: Russ? Tyler? Richard?
Mike Brady: No, I'm sorry. It's Mike.
Belinda: [sweetly] Oh hi, Mike. Wow, you sound older.
Mike Brady: Well, I probably am. I'm Cindy's father.
Belinda: [hands Cindy the phone] It's for you, it's your dad. He sounds cute.
Cindy Brady: He's not cute, he's... dad.
… That's kinda.. awkward.. So I'm assuming poor, sweet, innocent Cindy has become a whore. Her friend makes a "OLD PERSON!" joke and Mike plays if off as.. what the.. what does he play if off as? He just acknowledges the fact that he's old and that he's Cindy's father… Thanks for that, Mike. And what does Cindy say at the end? "He's not cute he's… dad."
WHAT THE FUCK COULD THAT MEAN, CINDY?
Does anyone ever really speak like this? If I was in a room with this family while Alice made a "shocked" face, I'd either think she just took a SHIT LOAD of Prozac or that she's a ROBOT. If I watched the way Mike spoke to his children I would think he's a child molester. If I was listening in on one of baby Cindy's conversation's, I'd think she was a REALLY FUCKING STUPID KID.
There was only one moment from the series where I saw the REAL Mike Brady. It was when he walked up to his three boys painting a bunch of trees. "How do they look, Dad?" Mike responds with "If you want a true artist's opinion you should ask those three poodles from across the street." As he walks away Bobby goes "Ohhhhhh".
Mike was telling his co-stars that their trees probably weren't even good enough to piss on. Was that in the script? Was he getting back at the rumors of Greg sleeping with his on-screen Mom? (I mean think about it, there must be LOADS of secret sexual tension in that show)
And plus, I mean, if there wasn't a laugh track, would you have even known it was meant to be funny?
These actors were playing to an audience. An audience that was there for them for five years, that they acted around, they allowed pauses and made ridiculous reaction shots for the LAUGH TRACK. Without a LAUGH TRACK, you need to rely on true comedic timing, you need to be FUNNY. This was a chance for us to see something different.
And it's the exact same thing.
Only super depressing.
Everyone's older (Bobby is a dumb 30 year old trying to act like a cute 10 year old. Apparently he's allowed to drive race cars)
What we're watching are actors who have given themselves away to become their characters. It's a science, and they've mastered it for the past 20 years.
This is not a thesis, really.
Just a bunch of really confusing ramblings. But I hope it gave a sense of my passion for this. I hope you understood what I was going for.
I hope.. I hope I haven't made an ass of myself..
I'm just gonna keep watching this special.
